Release

I remember posting several weeks ago about freedom.  I thought I was doing pretty well with the whole freedom thing, but guess what...not going as well as I had hoped.  Yes, I might have given up control of one or two things, but thats not what God wants.  He wants TOTAL 100% control.  I have been so weighted down by wanting to control things in my life that are not mine to control.  To be honest, giving up control scares the heck outa me, even though thats what God wants from me.
Why is this such a hard thing to grasp.  Just give it up.  I have no reason to doubt God's got it handled, but I seem to think I can do better.  As my friend told me, "you are so selfish to think you can handle things better then God"  Wow!  What a slap in the face!!
As I'm slowly giving up control, I am faced with the reality that I need God in my life even more.  My prayer life and Bible reading has been suffering for years, because I thought I could do it so much better then God.  I've also been faced with dealing with my future spouse.  I don't know who he is yet, but God does and that's pretty cool to me.  But how can I say that I want a Godly man in my life, when my life with God is suffering so much.  If I want a Godly mate, doesn't my mate want a Godly wife?  This was earth shattering for me!!  It shouldn't be, but it is.
I feel like my thoughts are all over the place today, but I'm realizing so much and to me its all tied together.  There were a couple songs today that spoke to me.  Music has a way of doing that.  And so, I want to share what spoke to me.  The first lyrics are where I'm at right now and the second set is where I wana be.  Its a long tough journey, but God promised to be with me, to guide me and to get me to the end safely.

As scared as I am, I'm ready for a new adventure and to see what my God has in store for me.

Rush Of Fools - Undo Lyrics I've been here before, now here I am again Standing at the door, praying You'll let me back in To label me a prodigal would be Only scratching the surface of who I've been known to be Turn me around pick me up Undo what I've become Bring me back to the place Of forgiveness and grace I need You, need Your help I can't do this myself You�re the only one who can undo What I've become  LIVE FOR YOU-RACHEL LAMPA You have spoken in the sunset. You have whispered words of comfort in the wind. You know ev’rything about me; Before my life began, You held me in Your hand. You have walked these roads before me. You have known the pain a broken heart can bear [beat]... Won’t You help me now to trust You? Ev’ry single day, I follow in Your way. I live for You, I live for You, When I think of all Your love has done for me. I live for You, Never looking back to what life used to be. I live for You. And ev’rything I ever thought was mine, I’d give it all away to have You in my life. (Just like that.)