Starting is better then just staring

Well...I feel like I have officially failed as a blogger :(  but then again, I'm not sure anyone reads this, so I'm not really letting anyone down but myself.  And that's a pretty big disappointment.
My heart has been thrown all over the place lately and I think it's mostly my fault :(  I get invested and then people move on.  Recently I saw a blog about waiting for marriage and the right person God has for each of us.  The blog said we need to take our single time and serve God so we can learn how to serve our spouse.  That our single life is not a time to whine about being single.  It was very moving to me!

On to some of the sunshine in my life over the past couple months.  Giraffe is doing great!  We are getting ready to take him down the trails in the next couple of weeks and see how he does with that new experience. 
I am honored to stand up with my cousin in her wedding in September!!  I'm so happy for her and Brandon :)

Lots of decisions to be made in the next couple months.  We will probably be looking for a new apartment come April or May.  Not sure what each of us is going to do, but we'll figure it out.  There are several options and opportunities for each of us.  It may be time to part ways and take a new path in life and if so that's ok.  We've had a great 3 years together!

Work is beyond stressful these days.  I called the big boss today to tell him I needed to talk about a few things, so we'll see how that goes.  I'm being walked all over and its not ok anymore!  Not sleeping and leaving work in tears is not a good work environment.  I need 2 days off a week to keep my sanity, but I dread having them off because I dont know what kind of mess I'll come back too.

I guess that's a lil bit of everything.  Not every uplifting, but I needed a post to vent.

Since it's Thanksgiving week and everyone is talking about thankfulness, I'll do it too :)  Below are pictures of a family who have greatly impacted my life this past year.  I write about them all the time, but seriously, they have taken me into their home and am I now known as Auntie Sarah!!

Ben and his Auntie Sarah

Me and Silas

My buddy Gabe

Amazing wonderful Amanda

Ben and Daddy Brandon

Christian

I don't know what I would do if this family wasn't in my life.  Amanda cooks for me all the time :)  Brandon gives great advice and is like a big brother to me.  The boys and I watch movies, ride bikes, and play WII.  

To be honest, when I started releasing things last week, I was expecting God to replace those things with different things that I desired.  If I get rid of the negative, then He'll fill it with the positive things I want, right?  Not quit.
I've always wanted to be married...but what lil girl doesn't want that.  However, as I'm grown up, I've gone back and forth between wanting a family.  There for a while, I swore I'd never have kids.  It would be me and my man spoiling all our nieces and nephews :)
But...in the past 9 months or so, I've fallen in love w the idea of a family, thanks in part to my dear friends the Plasters.  The have 4 boys under the age of 11 and wow!  what a family.  Amanda is a stay at home mom working her Mary Kay business!  Brandon works full time and sings in a quartet.  Those boys are such a hand full, but I love being over there.  I told Amanda the other day, that if I wasn't doing Mary Kay, then I would want to be her nanny.  She sometimes calls me her wife, cuz I'm over there all the time helping out  :)  I see how she and Brandon work TOGETHER to make their home wonderful.  Brandon is Amanda's biggest fan as she's working into Mary Kay management and Amanda adores Brandon!!
To get back on track....a family.  My heart is slowing coming around again to wanting a family.  And because I want a family, I want to marry someone who wants family too.  As I was releasing toxic relationships, I expected God to fill that space with positive relationships.  I have let loneliness set in and that is far more toxic then the things I let go of.  Loneliness loves when we sink down real deep and start to feel sorry for ourselves.  He loves to remind of us what we don't have, not what we do.  His partner is Discontentment!
"What I have isn't enough"

"When will it be my turn"

"When will my happiness come"

"What's wrong with me?"

Comfort, Peace, and Contentment come along.  They are on my side, sent by my Father!!
"Look how blessed I am with family and friends who love me"

"God's timing is perfect and I'm just not ready for what He has in store"

"A person and things can't make me happy.  My joy comes from the Lord"  I choose to be happy!!

"There is nothing wrong with me.  God is continuing to work on me, to perfect His work"

My friend Amanda has been telling me about standing tall for the Lord and the work He's doing in her life.  And not to kneel before fear or guilt, etc.  What an inspiration she is to me!!

Release

I remember posting several weeks ago about freedom.  I thought I was doing pretty well with the whole freedom thing, but guess what...not going as well as I had hoped.  Yes, I might have given up control of one or two things, but thats not what God wants.  He wants TOTAL 100% control.  I have been so weighted down by wanting to control things in my life that are not mine to control.  To be honest, giving up control scares the heck outa me, even though thats what God wants from me.
Why is this such a hard thing to grasp.  Just give it up.  I have no reason to doubt God's got it handled, but I seem to think I can do better.  As my friend told me, "you are so selfish to think you can handle things better then God"  Wow!  What a slap in the face!!
As I'm slowly giving up control, I am faced with the reality that I need God in my life even more.  My prayer life and Bible reading has been suffering for years, because I thought I could do it so much better then God.  I've also been faced with dealing with my future spouse.  I don't know who he is yet, but God does and that's pretty cool to me.  But how can I say that I want a Godly man in my life, when my life with God is suffering so much.  If I want a Godly mate, doesn't my mate want a Godly wife?  This was earth shattering for me!!  It shouldn't be, but it is.
I feel like my thoughts are all over the place today, but I'm realizing so much and to me its all tied together.  There were a couple songs today that spoke to me.  Music has a way of doing that.  And so, I want to share what spoke to me.  The first lyrics are where I'm at right now and the second set is where I wana be.  Its a long tough journey, but God promised to be with me, to guide me and to get me to the end safely.

As scared as I am, I'm ready for a new adventure and to see what my God has in store for me.

Rush Of Fools - Undo Lyrics I've been here before, now here I am again Standing at the door, praying You'll let me back in To label me a prodigal would be Only scratching the surface of who I've been known to be Turn me around pick me up Undo what I've become Bring me back to the place Of forgiveness and grace I need You, need Your help I can't do this myself You�re the only one who can undo What I've become  LIVE FOR YOU-RACHEL LAMPA You have spoken in the sunset. You have whispered words of comfort in the wind. You know ev’rything about me; Before my life began, You held me in Your hand. You have walked these roads before me. You have known the pain a broken heart can bear [beat]... Won’t You help me now to trust You? Ev’ry single day, I follow in Your way. I live for You, I live for You, When I think of all Your love has done for me. I live for You, Never looking back to what life used to be. I live for You. And ev’rything I ever thought was mine, I’d give it all away to have You in my life. (Just like that.)

Playing hookie :)

Bahahaha...I love playing hookie :)  I didn't do it much in college, cuz all my classes seemed to require alot of attention to detail.  Anyhow...I played hookie from work this weekend.  I wanted to go ride horses and see my boys.  It was a wonderful day at the farm and I don't regret not working at all.

I'll post more later about the boys in my life and how much I care about them.  I'm looking forward to my future and seeing how God will bless and take care of me!

Meet Giraffe!  This is the 3rd time I've ridden him and he's doing so good!

Got his name because he's colored like a giraffe and has crazy long legs!

My Cup Runs Over!!

WOW!  This past weekend has been truly crazy!!

I am finally settling into a routine at work.  Things are still good here :)  I am so thankful I am an organized person, because I would be pulling out my hair otherwise.  Payroll is proving to be the most challenging aspect of work so far, but I think we are slowing getting the wrinkles worked out.

This week God has blessed me with the opportunity to own 2 horses.  A friend totally surprised me the other day by saying she and her husband wanted me to have their 8-year-old quarter horse gelding.  What more could a girl ask for?  lol  We decided to hold off signing him over to me until I knew for sure that I could take care of him and have a good home for him.  Unfortunately the good home part fell through yesterday, so Jac will be staying with his current owners.

I was a lil disappointed cuz I met Jac this week and fell in love with him.  However, in the same sentence I was told Jac couldn't move to my friends farm, my friend told me he's been meaning to give me the paint gelding I've been breaking this summer :)  I was speechless!!  So I am now the proud owner of a 3-year-old gaited paint gelding named Giraffe.  You will understand the name once you see pics.  He has really long legs and stretches out his neck all the time and his brown and white spotted, kinda like a giraffe!! :)  I have been working with him since May probably and he has come such a long way since then.  When my friend first bought Giraffe it was impossible to catch him, but now I'm riding him in the small pen and he's doing so well.  I'll keep posting updates and pics as they come along.

I never realized so much could happen in one day, but God is good!  He has also brought an amazing guy into my life and things might be progressing, I'm not sure yet.  We shall see :)